Every morning I wake up my favorite thing to do is to go get my 9 month old son out of his crib. Each morning going into his room I always am so pleasantly surprised to find what I see. This morning he was sitting with his back turned to the door chewing on one of the toys I had left in his crib for him. As he heard my entry he turned his head with toy in mouth saw me and immediately tried to turn around and pull himself up. He then met me at the crib with smiles all around and his arms outstretched. Its crazy how much joy something so simple and basic can make you feel 10 feet tall and a "Queen" of the world.
I regret somewhat for when Clayton was this age. I enjoyed him just as much but at the time I was learning what it was to be a Mom. Learning how to build a routine and follow it. I was wrapped up way too much on the details. I wish I would of done less and enjoyed more. So this lesson I learned from Clayton I am making up for with Calvin.
I understand now why people say the "baby" in the family is always spoiled. Well, ok, some people say this. I know that in my case being the youngest in my family this was true for me. I didn't necessarily grow up with a silver spoon in my hand but I did receive a lot of attention. Attention for a child is far more precious and important than any toy or material possession. I think even a teenager who is "busy" with their life, texting, friends, boys/girls, popularity, sports, etc would have to agree having their parent's attention is important.
Everytime I find myself looking into his eyes (my son) I have such a feeling of peace and fufillment. It makes me feel so loved and blessed. God knew that I needed a son with a different personality than Clayton. I need Clayton to challenge me to push me to my very limits to learn patience and compassion. While with Calvin I am learning how to take it easy, to slow down, to "smell the roses" and I am loving it!
I think if I had, had another strong-willed child I probably wouldn't of wanted any more children. Not because I don't enjoy Clayton because I really do. He is "me" incarnate so for me to say that I don't enjoy him is to say I'm not enjoyable. I can't speak for my husband, kids, family, or my friends but I do hope I am enjoyable beyond all my flaws. (smile) I think that when you face yourself in your children (personality-wise) it makes you full appreciate what "your" parents went through. Clayton has allowed me to be grateful to my parents in a way that I never really truly understood before. I was always thankful for my parents but now I can honestly say I am grateful "to" my parents. For all the challenges I made for them.
Calvin has been an inspiration to me and I know that we will probably want our third child sooner than later because as each day passes my little "baby" boy is disappearing. It breaks my heart to see him becoming more independant and "toddler-like". Just the fact that he started crawling at 5 months and now is walking at 9 months is ridiculous. All I wanted was for someone to take their time growing up. However, both my sons have and are rebeling against this request.
Lord, please if it be your will can you please consider giving me a little girl. And not to be selfish or picky but could she please take her time growing up??? No matter what your plan for me is, I am grateful for it and am so blessed for what you have already provided to me. I could not be more humbled by these precious lives given to me. Help me raise them as you would want me too. Lend me your wisdom at all times. Instill in me your unlimited and unconditional patience that I am so lacking. Thank you. In your name I pray, Amen.
I hope all of us Moms and Dads out there are relishing each day that our kids are still kids. Tomorrow they will be teenagers, leaving for college telling us that they'll be "fine" on their own. Oh the thought!!!
God bless all of you as we head into the weekend.
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