Last night after my kids were tucked in bed, I had an opportunity to enjoy a few minutes of downtime. What did I do? Watched some good old drama reality tv. What is my deal? Why am I sucked into this brainless form of entertainment. Well, to be honest, because of just that. It's brainless and after a long day of being the main parent to my kids with my husband working long hours I needed a moment.
I ended up landing on MTV because of this show they have on Tuesday nights. 16 and Pregnant documents young teenage girls becoming single parents and all that entails with this complicated situation. Last night the 2 girls on the show were both dealing with some usually poor quality boys and some very dysfunctional parental relationships.
I won't go into great detail and for some reading this you can go ahead and place "judgmental" title on me. I do not care because these situations were so hard to watch.
The first show at 9pm was about a girl who got pregnant and the guy who she was in a relationship with was an alcoholic who lived 4 hrs away from her as well as being a few years older than her. He was unemployed and treated her inconsistently confusing her to know "who" this guy really was. Was he a "good" guy hiding behind his bad behavior or was he just a bad guy who had really bad behavior. After this baby was born he waited almost a month before calling her. Not visiting her just called her. She called him actually and he shared with her that he had not called her because he was in jail for a DUI. He didn't have a car he was driving his Dad's car on a suspended license. After he dumped her over the phone telling her that ,"his feelings for her had dropped" she went on a "its about me" venture. Going out almost all the time every night of the week leaving her baby in daycare dropped off by her Mother for 8 hrs a day and at night watched by her Mother. While the mother and daughter's volatile relationship was very evident through the show it obviously got worse once the baby arrived. As I watched this show all I could think about was this beautiful baby boy who was being "neglected" by his mother. All a baby wants is to be close to their parents. To be held, cuddled, loved and cared for in each and every way possible. Instead, it was being passed around all day only to be seeing his actual parent a few minutes of each day. Being a Mom of 2 boys I could never imagine. I am not "better" than this girl, but I am only to say how horrible for this baby boy to be treated this way. He did not ask to be put into this world but only when in this world wanted to be loved and loved well. As this baby gets older I am sure he will learn about how he came into this world and will probably feel a lot of loss knowing how he was treated by his mother and father through all this life chaos. I understand that when a teenage girl gets pregnant that they don't understand until after the baby comes that their life is forever changed. Its hard for them to make the decision to give the baby up for adoption because "they" want to raise the baby. But they also complain about "having to give up being young". Yes, that is true. When you become a Mom you "give up you" and "give to your babies". Even animals far below our intelligent level will first "feed" their young before feeding themselves. It is an instinctual behavior to put your baby before yourself. For a young mother who hasn't lived their life and go through the growing up process it is understandable the failure to accept this. We live in a world who say, "you can have it all." And to an extent that is true. "You" can have it all but this leaves some people in your life having to give up things they need.
Keep in mind this is "my" blog and "my" opinion.
I realize many will disagree with this and for that I do apologize. However, the true benefit of free speech is getting to use it as often as we want too. And through this blog post I am truly accessing this freedom with great liberality.
I just hope that more teenage girls who have unplanned pregnancies will consider adoption. Its not an option is a beautiful gift to your child and those prospective parents. I myself am adopted and if I got a chance ever to meet my biological Father who last I knew was still alive (my bio-mother passed away) I would go up to him and hug him. Look him in his eyes with many tears falling down out of my eyes and say, "thank you". "Thank you for making the best decision of my life because you gave me a beautiful and blessed life." I realize that it took a great unselfish act to give me the most wonderful future. If it had not been for this decision that sparked a catalystic change in my life forever. It was probably painful for him as I was over a year old when this all took place. My youngest is almost 10 months old and could never imagine letting him go. Thank the Lord above I am in a situation and life circumstance where that is not necessary. However, if I ever were to be in that situation I would think about what my bio-father did for me and be brave by using my love for him to provide the motivation to move forward. I think when it all comes down to it if what we were doing was for the benefit of our children we would do anything. It takes a great amount of love to do the "right" thing, it takes a lot a brave and courageous person to follow through with it.
I hope that if anyone reading this blog has any pre-conceived thoughts or perspectives on adoption that you take some time to reconsider any negative implications after reading this.
Or feel free to e-mail me. I would love to share my wonderful experience.
Have a great Wednesday everyone!!
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