Learning about Seasons - 1/26/10

Today was a hectic day. Another day where I had to keep telling myself, "keep going, you're going to make it." "Don't turn back. Keep moving forward."

I woke up this morning early as my both my boys decided to be early risers. This always gives me the motivation to get more done. My husband and I had decided the night before to leave the car at the dealership and pick it up today. I regretted that decision late last night as I remembered today was my Women's Bible Study. I was so frustrated knowing I was going to miss it. I always try to present that I don't care what people think of me but deep down I think we all do care. Whether we act on it or not is really the big factor. So, I called the dealership asking if they would come pick me up so that I could in turn pick up my car. This whole process was not a simple or easy thing. This meant that I was to install 2 car seats twice. I installed Clayton's in the shuttle van and then Calvin's. We drove to the dealership I picked up my car - not an easy thing when you are trying to juggle two different kids while also paying for the repair, re-installing the car seats, and keeping both of them happy and safe. Thank the Lord I made it - a little sweaty and stressed out but I made it. On to Bible study. A little easier said than done. I had to drive a whole half an hour to church from where the dealership was located. So, I made it to church finally. I was a half an hour late, but I made it. Again, I kept doubting myself. Is this worth it? Is this worth it? But I kept reminding myself that this process was long and drawn out and if I turned back now it would make all my hard work pointless. So on I went. I checked Clayton in to the child care service they provide and kept Calvin. He is extremely attached to me (as was Clayton as this age). Nursing is a great thng. I highly reccomend it to all those "first" time Mom's or any Mom's considering trying it again. Although, I truly enjoy it and am thankful that God has provided me this chance to do such a beautiful thing for my son, it also becomes frustrating when you try to get some "downtime" and no one can soothe them but you. So, I tried to entertain him throughout the 2 hour study and was extremely exhausted at the end. Next week, I am going to pray hard and do everything I can to see if he'll stay in the child care for at least half the time. He's at the age where he isn't just happy being held for that amount of time. He wants to pull himself up, crawl and has been in the last week trying to walk. I enjoyed the study and conversation that I was able to have all throughout Calvin's interruptions. I was extremely glad that I went and was very proud of myself for pushing forward when all I wanted to do is call it "quits". The lesson was a lot about seasons. Learning what to prune and when to prune your vine so that you can ultimately grow the best relationship with God possible all the while becoming the person He wants you to be. Ultimately, doing what is best for you to do during this season to accomplish this.

I have struggled throughout the past few years living here in Vegas with trying so very hard to develop meaningful relationships and friendships. I've been very blessed finding some really sincere and genuine people amongst the "sea" of people here. However, I have learned over this amount of time that when you move around (especially from a very "grounded and settled" place) you can not expect to find what you came from. I can only hope to find some goood friends and do my best to build on those friendships. I left some great friends in Nebraska. Some of them I do not get to talk to as often as I would like because of the time difference as well as the season of life they are in. Talking on the phone for any length of time for me is a immense luxury I do not often get to partake. So, thankful for Facebook and other networking opportunities that we have nowadays to allow up to see into each other's lives withotu having to invest a lot of time and effort unfortunately isn't always in the cards. I have also learned this last year that I need to put obligationary things aside. The biggest reason is because they cause me more stress than benefit. I believe in doing things because its the right thing to do. However, I also believe in moderation when it comes to always feeling "burdened". I have prayed a lot about moving away from certain commitments and obligations that I have made since being here in Vegas and God thankfully has given me a great peace about relieving some of the burden and stress I have caused myself by biting off more than I can chew. Sean and I so badly want to enjoy the same fellowship and friendships that we left in Nebraska. But, we both have realized that what we have here is also good and maybe it isn't about trying to replicate what we miss. And just appreciating what we have found here knowing it's just a season.

Its interesting how much you learn about life even after you get through being a teenager, a young adult and now a "adult-adult"? If that's even a proper title for a 30 year old? Anyway, I just want to say that it has been such a freeing experience to feel comfort knowing that walking away from some things isn't a "bad" thing but just maybe a "temporary" one. Knowing this, makes me feel good and happy as I look forward to when I get to walk "to" those same things again one day.

In the meantime, I'm going to follow what my "Computer" teacher in highschool taught me in class one day, K.I.S.S. -
Keep
It
Simple
Stupid

This is a good motto for me and what season I'm in right now!
Best wishes for the rest of you out there for wherever you are. Find peace in whatever that is.