Well, today is another busy day in the Kerrigan household. Clayton woke up with a lot of attitude. I always dread these days. They are usually filled with a lot of "back talk" and this means I have two choices. I can either give in to his constant demands of having "his" way or I can stand up to him and say "no". The saying "no" option is usually what I choose but when I make this decision I need to be prepared for the worst. A lot of crying is expected along with a few tantrums sprinkled with a lot of time outs and unfortunate spanking. Yes, I said spanking. I know many of you out there do not agree with this form of discipline. To all of you I must simply say, as parents can anyone of us know how to be a "perfect" parent. Over the last 2 and a half years that I have been a parent the one thing that stands out to me is that sometimes I don't have all the answers. At some point I just have to decide that what I'm doing is the best I know how. This isn't a defeated answer but rather a choice to surrender all insecurities. God gave me these children He knows me better than anyone in this world. He must of saw something in me to believe me worthy of these special people. So, for the next several years that they are in my care I'm going to do my best to mold these little lives into "men" of God. I can only hope and pray for the greatest success possible in my efforts to accomplish this.
Clayton continued to have a hard day up until his nap time. As he lay in his bed screaming at the top of his lungs, hyperventilating in disgust that I would dare tell him he needed a nap. I held him in my arms kissing his forehead saying "its ok" and praying to God asking Him to help Clayton have a good & restful nap. As I left the room I took a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders feeling exhausted after fighting the good fight. Its so hard sometimes to tell you kids no. Tell them they need a nap. Instructing them to go to time out. Its mentally exhausting and emotionally draining. In my heart I just want my kids to be happy. I want to make them happy all the time. I have that instinctually desire to do that because I love them so much. I also know though that they need structure and rules. We all do. So with my attempt to balance the good with the bad I have to be unwaivering in my pursuit to demand respect from my 2 yr old (almost 3) son. Once he learns that his Father and I make the rules the better. Although, if any of you understand a strong-willed spirit you know that this isn't easy or a quick process. I can't quit or look for an easier solution. I have to continue to push forward knowing this road is going to be rough but in the end worth the journey.
My parents took the same road with me. I was a strong-willed child always pushing the envelope as well. So, in a lot of ways, its just poetic justice that my first born would be so similar to me. I eventually learned that obedience is better than sacrifice. So, that gives me a glimmer of hope when it comes to my son Clayton.
In the meantime, through all my 2 yr old drama today I was being beckoned by my 8 mth old. So, its been a challenging day to say the least.
The wonderful thing and the most encouraging through all that I endured this morning and afternoon is that I absolutely love my job. I love these children more than life itself. Often my prayer requests are focused on when they are grown and teenagers. I prepare for the day that they leave the house and I am left with the emptiness left by their lack of presence. I am told frequently to appreciate these days because they go so fast. I completely agree with that. I'm trying to remember that through all the stress and emotional rollercoasters. I know that these days are precious and I thank God for all the hugs, kisses, and "Mommy, I love you's" I can get! They make all my hard work worth it and I'd do it a hundred thousand million times over again for each of them.
For they are "fearfully and wonderfully made"...........
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