Another Day in the Life - 1/8/10

Today is Friday and I just now at 11:08pm am getting a chance to finish my blog for the day. It was a day filled with lots of busy household duties. Three loads of laundry, dishes, and a lot of cleaning up after the kids I finally have for today fulfilled my Mommy duties. And I gotta say it feels good.

My husband has had a very heavy work load this week. So that made my week a little heavier as well. Having him come home an hour or more late from work made my schedule a lot more complicated also. I feel bad for him knowing that he was given some serious tasks to undertake this week causing him to stay late and go early. Stress is a life long battle that we must all take part in fighting but the good news is is that when its all said and done its temporary. If stress was a permanent fixture in our lives I'm not sure how our mental state would maintain any healthy status.

There are days where everything goes well and life is simple. And those are the days we hold most dear and precious. There is an old movie of Tom Cruise's that I like to quote for this same reason. I don't like the movie but I like the quote from his movie Vanilla Sky, "The bitter makes the sweet, sweeter." I made not be quoting it verbatim but its close. I think we can all understand the simplicity of this truth. That the hard things we experience in life make the beautiful blessings we share all that more amazing.

I lost my parents early in life. My mother at the age of 18 and my Father when I was 26. Many people feel sorry for me and give me their sympathetic responses as if "I" am to be pitied. I feel the opposite way. Given time to really contemplate seriously the loss I have endured yes, it has been sincerely difficult to live life with out the parents God gave me. However, being adopted at age one and a half I have to say I feel more privileged that a majority of society knowing I was given such a treasure in becoming a part of their family. I am not sure, I can only hope, that I would appreciate my parents today as much as I do now that they are gone. However, I do know for a fact that the gratitude I feel today is truly immeasurable.

I'm not sure where any of you are in your lives. Whether you're single or married. Kids or no kids. I just want to say that there is something in all of our lives that we're struggling with today. Some area of weakness or frustration that we face daily. I know for me that 2010 has brought me to think deeply of my own. That I put so much energy falsely into trying to present a "strong" image of who I am. I'm not sure if its necessarily "society" that has taught me to hold a mask up to the average acquaintance in my life but maybe just my prideful ways. Deep in my heart this year I want to allow people into my life seeing more of the "real" me. The good, the bad and the ugly as some would say. My inspiration behind this is not just the "time" of year but rather a lot of circumstantial developments in the lives of those I love and care for. I don't want people to feel like they need to "hide" their pain or realities from me. I would rather be that "shoulder" to cry on, that "ear" to listen, those arms to hold someone during a really difficult time. People in my life will never totally feel comfortable to do so unless I first allow myself to do the same. It leaves me vunerable and open to judgment and/or potential gossips. At this point, its all meaningless to me if I'm not willing to sacrifice first my own insecurities and pride. To anyone tonight or tomorrow reading this, I say, "I Natasha am far from perfect!" Let it be screamed across the worldwide web. "I have issues!" "I struggle everyday!"

Let me start today by saying how dearly I miss home. Most of you reading any facebook statuses I have written in the past year are probably sick of hearing about it. But, this homesick ache in my heart is the cause for much of the stress in my life. Between my husband and I to my dear children. I am hoping that the next time we move that no matter if its closer or farther away from my extended family and friends that what I'm learning and growing from now will benefit me then. I can't hold my breath thinking that in two years I'll move back to Omaha and everything will be back to normal. My reality is I don't know when I'm moving. I don't know where. Or for how long we'll be there. If I'll have any friends there or anyone I can feel comfortable watching my children if ever I need some help. All I know is that God is good. He is sovereign over all my circumstances in my life. And I need to trust in Him. I don't always. I struggle each day with it. The good news is that He loves me anyway regardless of my flaws and many, many shortcomings.

I hope that if there is anyone out there that is hurting tonight. Anyone experiencing something hard in your life. That after reading this you can take heart knowing, "you're not alone." "I'm here with you." And, if you want to walk this journey together. Physically or virtually....."I'm here." And I always will be. - (Of course, this is quoted first by God, and then I'm echooing Him as instructed by scripture to do.) -
Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
Galations 6:2 - "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Good night & God Bless You.
N