For me, this is my third child and I couldn't be more excited. However, I dread the surgery I must endure to bring my baby into the world. There are laws in certain states that do not allow v-bacs and my husband brought me to one of these states. So, because Clayton was delivered via c-section I was forced to continue that tradition with Calvin. The recovery isn't horrible but it isn't pleasant either. After the baby is born you miss out on the immediate bonding that most mother's experience when delivering naturally. The whole laying the baby on your chest after delivery is something I will never experience. However, I try my hardest to focus on the real blessing which is a healthy and happy baby. Which I have had two and now praying also for the third to be just the same as well. As a Mother you worry constantly. At least I do. I worry about everything. Its hard not too. When you love someone as much as I love my children you fear for their safety, health and happiness. I spend a lot of time in prayer asking God to continue to shelter my children and watch over them as they find their way in this big world full of temptations and dangers.
I have been thinking about this new life within me and the amazing experience it will be to get to meet this little person I've been carrying around for so long. My two boys have such interesting and special personalities. My youngest son Calvin has been really developing his vocabulary and it has really been fun for Sean and I to watch him learn to communicate more effectively. He listens to Clayton and really observes him seriously to be able to mimic and follow in his foot steps. The role of a big brother truly is a special and important. Clayton's middle name is William for which we named him after Sean's Grandfather. The meaning of William means, "guardian". We didn't intentionally do this but Clayton takes his big brother role seriously and we have never asked him too. Other than keeping his hands to himself and not trying to intentionally hurt his brother he has done a great job. We couldn't be more proud of him for this reason. It is going to be interesting to see how he relates to this new baby because when we brought home Calvin, I think Clayton thought that the baby was "his" newest toy. He wanted to hold him right away and he was the first to hold him after we brought him home. It was a very special relationship right away. I pray a good experience for this new baby as well as they all learn to be a family.
Many people have asked us if we're done having children after this baby. The honest answer for both Sean and I is that we don't know. We have no idea what its like to be outnumbered. So, before we make any final decisions we want to experience three children before we worry about having four or not having four.
I'm so anxious for what is going to happen. Both my boys were born at 37 weeks and I am 36 wks and almost 5 days. I hope that no matter when the baby makes its arrival we're going to be grateful and so blessed beyond measure. I do request often via prayer at night that God allow me to either have the baby after Christmas and/or before. Only because it would really be hard to be in the hospital alone on a Christmas night without the rest of my family. No matter what, I'm excited. As any Mother would be.
I wish for you all a very Merry Christmas and a special and wonderful time together with your family and friends. God Bless you all.
Natasha
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