Last night before I went to bed I felt pretty awful. Little did I know what was ahead of me. I tossed and turned coughing which has been a very "normal" routine for me unfortunately due to the cold I've been struggling with. However, this evening was very different. I had chills and sweats. My head felt like it weighed a million pounds. My left side (woman part) was sore like I've never felt before and I could feel a good sized bump. I looked it up on-line and sure enough it was a clogged duct. I will never ever want to experience that again. Its a full-fledged sickness caused by nursing. Granted, it's not actually caused by the act of actually nursing but if I wasn't nursing it would have happened. So, it is soon that I know I will be weaning my son. I know this may sound selfish on my part. However, it is the opposite. He has been eating solid foods now for almost 2 months now and prefers them over any form of feeding. I know he enjoys spending that time with me however, he doesn't stay focused when doing it and is easily distracted away from it telling me that he is not getting his primary calories or hunger met through this.
My husband has been gone all week and does not return until late tomorrow. I have been trying to prepare for my oldest son's birthday party on Saturday. Having no help and little time to allow me to get a lot done has meant long days. Being sick today was probably the biggest downer I've had in awhile. Not only when you are sick do you want empathy and support but you "need" help. I had none. Okay, so my husband called me and said he felt bad that I was sick. I had friends facebook me telling me they hoped I would feel better soon. All this was nice and definitely encouraging. Nothing, can take the place though of someone being here with you and helping you physically. I think all Moms reading this can attest that if they have been sick and had no help is a very painful experience. I had a few moments where I literally was laying on the couch hearing my children do things and I could not lift my head off the pillow. I have not experienced feeling this way in so long. I felt like if I was walking around too much I would pass out. So, I had to trade the feeling of knowing exactly what my children are doing every second of the day versus passing out and having to call and ambulance. I know this sounds extreme but that is literally how I felt.
I just hope that the next time I feel like that, that Sean can be home to help me.
The blessing, is that at supper time I was able to put together a meal for my boys. Clean it up and take care of them for the rest of the evening after failing in the morning to be the Mom they needed me to be. I got through a very rough day and I couldn't of been more thankful to God for helping me do so.
I realize that a little experience of sickness is nothing compared to many who are struggling out there with life-threatening issues/diseases/medical conditions. I am not by any means comparing my illness with them or those situations. I tried to keep in perspective throughout the day how much worse it could be. It is more than difficult to remain emotionally balanced when you are sick but I attempted it. All in all the whole day came and went and I couldn't be more glad to put it behind me.
Tomorrow is a new day and I pray so hard that I am able to be a better Mom than I was today and feel good.
That is my fervent prayer and my greatest hope.
Health truly is wealth.
God bless you all and I hope and pray you are all feeling well!
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