4/28/10 - A new journey

I recently took a trip back home to Omaha, Nebraska for a Mommy-away weekend. I was very scared and nervous about leaving my children whom I have never been away from for any large amount of time over the past 3 years. My oldest son when he was 4 months I did leave with my sister-in-law when my husband took me on a birthday surprise trip to New York City. We were apart 2 days. Other than that, I have never left my children for more than a few hours at a time here and there. Even at that it is infrequent and short.

Thankfully, everyone stayed healthy and happy while I was away. A huge prayer request I had to the Lord before leaving and while gone. Fortunately, the kids did great under Sean's care as I had hoped and expected. Sean is a great Father to our children and I feel so enormously blessed to God for such a great man to be married too. Unfortunately, Sean himself did get sick while I was gone. He was trying so hard to keep up with the cleaning, laundry, and everyday activities that it caught up with his immune system. I feel so grateful to him for allowing me the opportunity to leave but more importantly to love me so much to give me a spic and span home to come home too. What an amazing feeling to walk through the door and see the house better than how I left it. I think he is in for a big wake up call though now that I see what he is capable of!! (Ha ha ha!)

My stay in Nebraska for the most part was a very good one. I was able to reconnect with my family whom I had not been able to visit in a year and a half. Seeing my nephew's newest daughter for the first time was such a blessing. She is such a well-behaved baby and I enjoyed thoroughly getting to meet her in person. Spending time with my other young niece and nephews was also very nice. All kids grow up fast whether they are mine or my nephews. It was such a blessing to be able to "be" present in their lives even if it was a short time.

Another blessing was found in spending some quality time with my two best friends Jill and Holly. Getting to listen to all that they are doing and are learning was so refreshing. How I miss spending time with them! Laughing, crying and giggling with them again made me so excited once again that I am so privileged to get to be in their lives.

On another different note while home I was able to share a very intimate and important aspect of a journey in my life I had decided a few months ago to embark on. Responses to this update were very diverse. Some were supportive and others weren't. However, all the while I have not been altered from my pursuit of this new journey.

Some of you may know or not know that I am adopted. I recently had to reapply for my naturalization certificate because I had misplaced the original through all my moves etc. In doing so, I was asked to provide proof of the adoption and all the documentation I had of my previous life in Korea and how I came to live in the United States. As I sifted through all the documents and read them with enjoyment of considering what my life could of been had I been meant to stay in South Korea. As I read through my health certificate completed in Korea prior to my departure to the United States I saw that it included the name of my biological Father. Suddenly, I realized that an immense peace and power had come over me giving me the motivation to once and for all pursue finding this man and possibly meeting him. Being adopted internationally pretty much means I have other information other than what was provided on the health certificate documentating how I came to be put up for adoption. The circumstances surrounding it was pretty much all that I was given. I would like to know my biological family's medical history as now it also affects my children. Knowing heart disease, allergies, cancer and or any other health problems that they could encounter is a very high priority for me to find out now. Both my children are healthy and I am incredibly grateful for this but I believe it important to know for the future as well as any other children we may decide to have. I also am very curious to know if I resemble my biological family and/or if I have any other living relatives that I could get pictures of to research this.

I have a lot ahead of me in this new journey but I am hopeful knowing that I am opening a whole new can of worms that may or may not be full of good or bad things. Either way, I'm willing to accept whatever consequences that may follow with this endeavor. I encourage you to consider to follow me on this adventure as I begin a new blog dedicated only to my pursuit of my biological Father. I am hoping that in doing this to share it one day with my children and maybe I can inspire others out there to consider adoption or even provide that added courage to take this step of faith to do something they never thought they would ever realistically follow through with. That's how I feel at least.

In the meantime, let me make it very clear that I am not doing this with any other intention than what I have shared. I have no void to fill in this area. I consider my real parents the ones who adopted, loved and cared for me. Those two angels in heaven are the people that I identify family with and I will never change that. I have no identity problems when it comes to this aspect of my life. Some that are adopted feel abandoned or resentful of their past life circumstances. However, for me I can not relate to those feelings or perspectives because I had a wonderful and blessed life full of love. No one could of given me a better life than what I was provided through my Mom and Dad. My only regret in life with this decision is that I didn't do it sooner. My husband being the amazing man that he is is so supportive and excited for me to take brave steps down this road.

Only God knows what waits for me and I thank Him for that. Knowing that I am not walking alone and having His presence with me gives me such peace and understanding.

God bless you all wherever you are or whatever paths you are walking down or considering taking!