My children have really been teaching me the importance of patience lately. Its a daily struggle sometimes learning how to effectively juggle three different lives that all require as much love and attention I can give them while at the same time trying to figure out how to maintain a household. Like any Mother I'm exhausted trying to fulfill all the duties my life requires me to manage. So, upon an exhausted physical and mental state I often fail at being able to discern wise and appropriate disciplines upon my children. I am learning everyday how I may better accomplish boundary setting and creating improved routine structures. It helps also to have a better perspective of the "BIG" picture rather than getting overwhelmed at the little things. If my progress were to be detailed on a pie chart. Lets say when I started my attempt at developing more patience I didn't have any colored in areas. Now, I'm barely at a sliver. Its a process of unlimited proportions but such a necessity of life to be a more patient person. God has taught me the last few weeks at church that I truly have left Him out of certain areas of my life. With all the demands I have had on my life in the last 5 years I have reduced His presence and influence more and more with the increased responsibility. What a recipe for failure huh?
I now see how imperfect my attempts at being a better wife and mother have been because I have been missing the most important aspect of who "I am". I am first and foremost a child of God and a follower of his Son Jesus. Having the Holy Spirit live within me is the most vital and powerful tool I could ever have asked Him for to help me with everyday trials and tribulations. Instead, I have tried on my own to do it each day and I wondered why I was so miserable and frustrated at times.
The best times of my life have always been when I was walking closest with God. Coincidence? I think not. I am so grateful to God for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me. He has somehow found me worthy of amazing riches and gifts. I have a husband who is committed to me and loves me unconditionally. He has provided for us both financially and physically. Our three children are healthy and happy. And most important than anything we have Jesus in our lives.
I was reading the most touching blog this afternoon while putting my daughter down for a nap. A person I met at Central Christian Church in Vegas posted it on her Facebook. It was of a mother who recently gave birth to her second child who was stillborn. Any of us mothers reading something how devastating as this are all so touched and moved by hearing of such a great loss as losing a child. (I will post a link to this blog below my own so you are all able to read.) She was sharing of her great pain and enormous grief that she has been experiencing since the delivery. Detailing how they both said goodbye to their little angel had me shedding tears over my own baby. I wasn't just crying because I was thinking "what if this was me?" I was crying because I could only imagine how this woman's heart was breaking. She had shared that she had lost another baby girl three months prior to becoming pregnant with this second child and I just was so impacted by this woman's strength. As I read her words I was so humbled to know that there is someone like her out there that is enduring not just one traumatic experience as a mother but now two it completely broke me. After reading something like this I just really start to beat on myself mentally. How can you complain? How can you ever lose your patience on your child?? But then I realize that no matter how much I wish I could at this very moment be a "perfect" Mother to my three children at all times, I know its unrealistic. I'm a sinner saved by grace and kept by grace. I'm not going to be able to maintain any type of perfection because the only perfection that I possess is that of Jesus Christ's perfect sacrifice for me. I can however, strive each day to learn more about Him, spend more time with Him, and hope to become more like Him in this process. Being successful and being more like Jesus is going to result in me becoming a better wife to my husband and mother to my children. I hope day by day and week by week I see more light in my life and in my children's eyes. Praise God for my family and praise God for working in my life so vigorously and unfailingly. I'm so blessed. Praise God for the mother I referred to above. For her faith in God and for her willingness to share a painful and tragic part of her life with so many. God is using her horrible tragedy to touch so many lives. What faithfulness!
The forgiveness aspect of what I wanted to share today was more specific to an experience in my own life that I have been struggling with now for a little over a year. Without exposing too many specifics it really boils down to this. Obedience. God's desire for us to follow Him has nothing to do with control. It has everything to do with protection. Had I been obedient to God I could of spared myself so much pain and discouragement. Below I explain.
Sometimes I have a problem with forgiveness. There are so many reasons why I struggle with it that this blog wouldn't allow me to type all the details of why I struggle with it. I'm learning more as I get older the vital importance of forgiveness. It not only benefits my relationships but even more beneficial it impacts my soul. Holding a grudge although at times feels powerful it also weighs you down. It brings a darkness in your life. A negativity that pulls you away from the optimism we all should have as Christians. I was carrying that around for far too long. Sort of like I had a dead fish in my house and I kept smelling it but couldn't figure out where it was. I finally found it this past Sunday. It was in my heart. So, last night I finally made a phone call and was able to throw that fish out of my house and today I can't smell it anymore. I'm so thankful to God for giving me the strength and the courage to overcome my pride and fear. To push forward to His calling on my life and stop running away from it. I've been a Christian since I was 7. You think that the very foundation of Christianity would not be lost on me as a 35 year old woman but unfortunately, it had been. God forgave us, we need to forgive others. So simple in principle so difficult in application to our lives.
Grateful I am for having the freedom and the peace from God above for the burden that has been lifted from my soul.
There is so much that I disregard because I keep it a "head" knowledge. I "know" it but I don't apply it to everyday situations. I am realizing that I need to transfer more often and more consistently that mental knowledge into my "heart" knowledge so that I may see the impacts of that in my life more effectively.
Starting today.....
God, thank you for my children. Thank you so much for my children. I dreamed many days and years of being a Mother and you have been so good to me for granting this very precious and priceless dream to me. Thank you so much. Thank you also for giving me an opportunity to release myself from such an ugly grudge. Thank you for helping me to give it to you and allow forgiveness to cover all the hurt and pain that was caused so long ago. Please also forgive me God for all the wrongs that I do daily. Thank you for loving me in spite of all my shortcomings and failures. Thank you for this life you have given me. Help me to do the best I can to live the life worthy of your calling.
Amen.
God Bless you all on this day and if you have children try to squeeze them a little tighter tonight when you tuck them into their beds. :)
