5/4/10 - Nervous and anxious....

So today I attended the last meeting of my small group Bible study at my church here in Las Vegas. Oh, how I was saddened by the end of a wonderful time of fellowship with some really special people. Connecting with women is such a vital and important part of maintaining a healthy relationship with Jesus. Women need women. For so many reasons. I won't go into the really specific details but will define that statement only by saying that feeling like you're not the only one is a priceless encouragement we can get or provide to one another.

With all my disappointment of this being the last study before the fall segment that will begin in September I was also relieved. I was relieved because my 3 year old son - (Clayton) has the last few weeks gotten some negative feedback from those caring for him during my time in the study. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of Mom who really strives so hard to raise my children in a way that I can feel proud. So when I am confronted with a failure in this attempt due to some bad behavior it is always discouraging. I had not been back to the study since the last time Clayton had a bad report so I was nervous as I got him ready to leave this morning. I was even considering not going because of my anxiety of getting another bad report.

Even as I walked into the room to find my seat I was holding tightly to the pager they provide you just in case there is a problem they are able to find you quickly. I felt it I am sure probably five or six times during the first hour I sat there at my table. The good news is, is that I never got paged. When I went downstairs to go pick him up no one rushed to my side to advise me of the details of his behavioral issues for the morning. They may have had pity on me knowing it was the last day but I have to believe that he did better today.

There are many days that I just have a "whoa's me party" when it comes to knowing how to deal with my oldest son. Through all of this I always thank God for blessing me with him. Sean and I every once and awhile will nudge each other or try to get the other's attention randomly at times to share with the other some cute or fun behavior from Clayton.

I can not praise the Lord enough for allowing me to have a "non-report" for Clayton's behavior at his child care today. My parental self-esteem needed a break from the negative and a boost even if it small or a tiny amount of positive!

Not sure if you ever come up against a wall when you consider if you are struggling as a parent but I know I have. The good news for me is that when those walls come I have an amazing husband who helps push me over it and hold my hand through it. One of God's greatest gifts to me and always will be. I will forever be grateful to God for helping me find such a great partner in this tough battle called, "parenthood".